Dinner Time!

Dad - Guess who's coming over for dinner!
Me - I don't know who?
Dad - you gotta guess.
Me - uh...grandma??
Dad - Nooooooo, hes really messy.
Me - Cant be Matt, he already lives here. I don't know who?
Dad - JOE!
Me - Joe?? Joe who?
Dad - SlOPPY JOE!

Now that may not be verbatim, however I would say to my best recollection this is how EVERY night we had sloppy joes for dinner went. I believe that dads have this "ability" impressed into them at the time of their first child's birth, and by "ability" I'm not talking about the super strength, speed, and heat vision, I'm talking about the ability to find joy in the same jokes over and over and over again.

First of all My dad is a wonderful man, he stepped into a full grown, full blown family the second he said I do. There is no man on this earth that i respect and admire more than him, I'm not saying that our family is perfect, in fact, there were some who i will not name that made life rather difficult. But that is neither here nor there, and take it or leave it, i am the "man" i am today due to the gentle cattle prodding of dad. I have many fond memories of dad; riding across Wanita lake in the canoe with dad shouting out WANITA WHERE ARE YOU!, or spending time fixing the tail light on the ol minivan I happened to break while practicing driving..hey don't judge me, and might i add was totaled shortly there after by Tammy! ahh the memories.

As i was eluding to earlier, "joke" is a rather loosely applied term, for as they say, "one mans joke is another mans screwed up childhood". Anywho, i guess when your repertoire consists of mainly two jokes, you cant be held too accountable for the reuse of them on occasion, and as you have already heard the first of these, the second is thankfully a seasonal one that only makes sense during Christmas. Now most people(that celebrate Christmas) have been told to be careful and behave themselves because Santa is watching them. I had the pleasure of his [Santa] company at ALL times watching me through those beady little eyes and waxen expression. Now if you heard this story from any of my family you would be told the incorrect version, because it appears they collectively they have all caught amnesia and seem to be suffering from the same delusional dream as it were. I am here to set the record straight, I did not and have never believed this candle (which is what it was) that was constantly turned to face me during every meal, was in fact the real Santa or some sort of relay device to transmit my current goodlieness to the man himself! My family would portray that I would become disconcerted and in fact that was most defiantly the case, however it was not because i was worried about this charlatan ratting me out, but sheer despondence of having to have to go through this another year. Ahh well, I guess we cant win them all. And as I reminisce, we kids are not as innocent as we might wish or claim, cause "how do you catch a squirrel?" was the most used joke in our house, and I am happy to announce that dad has finally caught on and knows that all you have to do is climb up a tree and act like a nut!

I plan on writing a series of these about my family immediate and extended for no other reason than to give excuses as to why i have fears of commitment, gummy bears, and squirrels coming into my bed on my honeymoon.